An opportunity came up early December 2022 that I politely declined. It was an invitation for potential projects in 2023 and looking at my commitments for the year, it was only professional that I turned it down.
I seldom reject work since I left corporate in 2012 and continued my career path into coaching and training. Being my own boss sounds fancy but really, being a gig worker means that I don’t always know what work comes round the corner and when, so I do my best to accept new work within my purpose and passion.
What I didn’t expect from my simple “Sorry but I cannot participate” will escalate into a drama that spanned 3.5 months that included bullying, threats, insinuations bordering defamation, legal clauses thrown around and withholding of payments due for work previously completed. A bigger loss would be if I didn’t reflect and learn from this unpleasant experience. Trust me, it’s impossible to coach myself, but here goes…
Let’s start with the good news…
- I am surrounded by supportive loved ones. I sought counsel from 3 people and the advice and perspectives they shared were priceless
- The working arrangement was dissolved end January 2023 officially but was finally resolved 15 March 2023 when the company paid up what they owed me
- I never wavered from my stance and approach
- It was hard but I stayed professional throughout this drama, choosing to say less
- Grateful for the unwavering support I received from my coachees especially when they weren’t privy to the details
- It only spanned 3.5 months - there were days when this weighed hard on me but more days when I was at peace and joyful
And the bad news?
- I feel responsibility towards my coachees and feel that I’ve let them down
- A working arrangement that was going well from 2014 was dissolved suddenly
- The outcome was a lose-lose considering how 11 coaching relationships couldn’t continue; and from the commercial angle
- The mental and emotional stress experienced from the constant insinuations and insults
- Having to experience unpredictability when you are dealing with someone who is irrational
- I realised that the agreement I signed was painfully one-sided to benefit the company and included terms that though not always enforceable, denied me my rights. Why did I sign?
So here’s what I learned –
- Stand firm, be correct but not self-righteous
- Seek advice and don’t handle this alone
- Consider the varied guidance but take responsibility for my own decisions
- Communicate clearly to all parties, establish clear milestones, then proceed with my life
- Speak up; and remember that less is more, especially when my ego resists
- Once I’ve done what I can, I can remain hopeful
- Be open to questioning and challenging legal agreements, even if it risks not being considered for the project.
What I would have liked to happen but now --> know better:
- That the good person wins, the bad guy loses --> sometimes, we all lose and you need to decide what the trade-offs are
- A driving force and bigger entity will take your side and fight this for/with you --> you are the driving force you can count on and if support appears, that’s an unexpected bonus
- The legal route will surely sort this out --> not always and may not be worth the money, time and effort you will be spending
- Common sense and professionalism will prevail --> in the long run maybe, but surely not all the time and definitely not in this instance
- If you keep totally quiet, people will respect that you took the high road --> learned to say something balanced and mention that your silence shouldn’t be taken for agreement or guilt
- Past actions predict the present and future actions. --> the past educates us to prepare for the present and future, but doesn’t predict what is in store
On that last sentence, I end here as I remember the education, not just the experience.